So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
