Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
