I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
