Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
