I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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