I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
