as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
