So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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