Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it hurts more in the daytime
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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