as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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