After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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