he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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