she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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