I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
