I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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