I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where is the hickey?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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