my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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