let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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