Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
