Already got asked if we're dating
Your dad touched me again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
