I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
