I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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