wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
