we have officially lost it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
