can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
