best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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