id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
