we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
