We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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