Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
