How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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