I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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