I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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