I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
