if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
