have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
