I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
