maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
