I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
