Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
