I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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