Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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