I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
