I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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