I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
