i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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