can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
