Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
