I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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