you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
