It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
