why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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