shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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