I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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