he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
