did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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