I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
