Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Drake has all the answers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
