I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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