drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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