I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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