Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
