if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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