You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
