At least make sure they are 18
Why
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
