Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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