it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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