Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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