I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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