Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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