Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
