spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
