sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
