My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize