Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
